A white page on a digital platform where to share my feelings. Digital era they call it. Gone are the days where I would spend the whole evening writing notes in my little notebook. Everything seems to be so connected yet disconnected. I am not sure I like it. I guess I’m being dramatic, I’m only from the 90s, I should be used to it – ‘it’s not like you were born six decades ago!’ I tell myself.
Yet still, I feel like we are going uncontrollably fast, speeding up to the limit and rushing into what will inevitably be a mixture of destruction and dust, if that makes sense.
If someone asked me how I would define this era I would say digital. I can’t help but feel we would be better off without that much technology, apps, and overall social media. Lonely people overshare on social media. That was the headline of some news report I read the other day.
Europe is for good and bad pretty much the same everywhere, so when I say I’ve moved from the UK to Spain again, contrary to most people’s opinion I believe is not such a big deal. Health system is the same, applying for jobs requires the same digital process, shopping online is practically the same with different products (supermarkets here have much more variety at much cheaper prices!) and overall it feels like there’s not much difference. Same banks, fast food, clothing shops… Same fashion, style, and lifestyle. We have lost our identity to an alarming rate and in order to feel abroad one has to go very very far, where the influence of the west isn’t so strong. All of this makes me feel sad and overwhelmed. But of course, when emigrating it makes things ten times easier, so I shouldn’t be ungrateful.
This month I said goodbye to the UK. Hopefully for a long time. I came back to my hometown, Madrid, and I am living in a sunny place.
Places are colourful and so are the people. It has taken me five years to miss it. I used to hate it. Madrid is where I grew up in a not very healthy environment with very toxic people, but I had to fight my demons and that has taken many years. I come back now to somewhere different in Madrid, so the neighbourhood is different, and I’m still trying to get to know the area.
It feels good to be back however it doesn’t feel like home to me. I don’t belong to anywhere nor do I feel the need to stay or come back. I just wanted to run away from England, like I did from Madrid one day, and my friends were still here so I came to them. They are home. I have now a fiancé and of course my dog – they are home too – so I took everyone with me on this new adventure and I’ll take this time in my life to reconnect with my loved ones. To start a new chapter in my life. ‘The comeback’ or maybe not. That doesn’t matter, I probably won’t stay here for too long, and when I’m ready and I have recharged my batteries I’ll feel free to leave again. This time I won’t run away.